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Sincerely,
Russell Keppner
TJEdRefers generally to the concepts presented in the book A Thomas Jefferson Education, written by Dr. Oliver DeMille. We also have an Introduction to Thomas Jefferson Education available elsewhere on this site..org Administrator
ADHD
Thank you for that link to the group, that will be very helpful to me.
I do have to adjust my expectations and that is one of the hard things of kids with ADHD, you forget that they really have a disability. It is so internal and it can be attributed to other things, when in reality it is something they can't control, and neither can I.
I will have to re adjust our rutine to include the other two children, they need my attenion badly right now. Its easy to give it to the squeeky wheel, so the other two are steping it up as well.
Sil
Guilt
Sometimes I also feel guilty for not structuring content. That is the hard part about getting off the conveyor belt. That is also the time that I need to revisit my core, and reread the books that caused me to jump into TJedRefers generally to the concepts presented in the book A Thomas Jefferson Education, written by Dr. Oliver DeMille. We also have an Introduction to Thomas Jefferson Education available elsewhere on this site. in the first place. It reminds me of the bigger picture--what I want in the long-run for my children and family. I'm not sure if that helps, but for me it really grounds me again in the principles that I felt were very true--and still do.
I also have to remember where we were a year and a half ago--my 8 yr. old hated homeschool and reading, now she really enjoys it. We catch her reading good classics in bed after we've said good night to her. Her whole attitude about learning has changed. This never would have occured had I structured her content.
Yes, I just ordered "Phases
Yes, I just ordered "Phases of Learning" to help me remember. I am just struggling with both, not only his education but his ADHD as well. We recently moved again and I think his behavior toward schooling has to do with the new change. He consumes my time and there are sooo many other things (like unpacking) that require my time and attention. I will try to set the timer to 30 min. at a time and 15 min. break (that's how we did it last fall) and I guess if he wastes his time I should just let it go?
PS: Thanks for taking the time to talk to me.
Sil
((((((Sil))))))))))
Define what you mean by "wasting time". My public school upbringing made me pretty strict at first about what "counted" as school work. Over time I've discovered that, just as infants decide for themselves when to focus on learning to walk, so too they decide for themselves when to make math important. And they do learn it, as long as they see it done in front of them and realize that math is something big people do and do well. A big reason why Mozart played music so early is because he was constantly exposed to it (his father played music).
I've also discovered that everything that happens is educational. There are no boundaries to learning, only to our narrow definitions of education. Your son will be part of your family for all of his life; learning how to live will be of much more value to him than learning how to add and subtract.
ADHD moments
What I mean by wasting time is literally that. It is part of his disability (ADHD). I send him to brush his teeth and 15 min. later he comes back teeth not brushed. He was in the bathroom, but he looked at himself in the mirror and made faces and sang songs... for 15 min. then he forgets what he was doing and comes back up.
He does the same with everything else. At first I got mad,now I know it's just his ADHD moments and try to be patient and understanding, so I sit next to him and keep him on task. In the mean time my other two tear it up.
My dilema is: should I sit next to my 8 year old and keep him on task or should I just leave him alone and hope his does his work.? I don't require much, just one page of math-u-see (and he knows how to do it) and two pages of spelling form spectrum. then he read for 30 min whatever he wants to read, then he tells me about it. Reading is the only thing he does willingly and happily other than playing.
One idea...
My son with Asperger's has a hard time staying on task, too. I've found that setting a timer for him is sometimes the only way for him to follow through. Maybe a portable timer for your son would help, especially for things like chores or brushing teeth. I never require my little guy to finish his chores by the bell ring, but I encourage him to TRY to beat it. He gets stressed if I hold him too tightly to the timer for chores. But brushing teeth and hair, changing clothes or PJ's, etc. works good for him.
Just a thought,
Rachel Keppner
"ASPIRE to INSPIRE before you EXPIRE!"
Hmmmm
I can't tell you whether to sit next to your 8yo and allow the others to tear things up or whether to keep close tabs on the others while your 8yo gets off track. But I can tell you that if he willingly and happily reads, encourage him to do so. And if it's like pulling teeth to get him to do one page of math, drop the math for now. It sounds like he needs lots of patience, which you're trying to give him, and lots of understanding, which means you'll have to do your research into how his mind works and how best to help him.
My children learned how to read and didn't necessarily learn how to spell, but for each one the causes and cures have been a little different. One dd is a perfectionist about spelling; one ds only learned how to spell when he decided he wanted to correspond with absent friends by email, at about age 13. One ds doesn't want to spell at all--he's into movie making and does as much as possible by phone (he's 13 now). One dd, now 11, has a mental processing error that makes it difficult for her to remember how words are spelled, though she knows phonics (she spells eyes, "iees"). Her spelling is getting better now because, all on her own, she decided to write a novel. I transcribe what she has written, and she looks over how I spelled things. She remembers more with each page, because it's important to her. If I assigned her spelling, her efforts would be reluctant and she would forget it all immediately. She has very little trouble with using proper grammar, on the other hand, because she has heard good literature read aloud and good grammar from her parents all along.
This is an opportunity to inspire. Don't force learning. Do keep helping him learn to keep himself on task for those things that must be done (brushing teeth is a requirement), but also let him see that you brush your teeth and occasionally have him miss out on something because he was distracted and didn't get his work done.
I'm inclined to tell you to keep close tabs on the other children. I'm not the best example of this, but they need to know that they will be held to good behavior, including when you're working with their brother. Otherwise they'll wait until you're working with the 8yo to get into the chocolate chips and cleaning supplies.
Structure
Yes, TJEDRefers generally to the concepts presented in the book A Thomas Jefferson Education, written by Dr. Oliver DeMille. We also have an Introduction to Thomas Jefferson Education available elsewhere on this site. says "structure time, not content, but that's so you will be sure to set aside time just for pursuing your education and for your child to pursue his. I find I grow more structured over time, as my children grow and as I mature. (was the time we had dinner after 8 p.m. every night and breakfast whenever we got up--sometimes not until noon.) A morning routine is essential for me to get the most important things done:
Prayer by myself, use the bathroom, change two diapers, nurse the baby, pray and read scriptures with older children and dh, feed them, eat breakfast, read scriptures myself, and head into the day's work: children do dishes and laundry, I help clear the floor so my son can vacuum, we all try to keep the baby from hurting himself or the computers, put clean clothes away.
That routine all has to be well on its way before I can structure time for education, theirs first, then mine. Then at 11:30 we break for gym (run around outside) and I fix lunch. Snack time comes about 3 p.m., and I start prepping supper between 4:30 and 5, to serve at 6 p.m., followed by night story, night snack, brush all teeth, use bathroom, all pray individually, then go to bed. It takes until 10 p.m. to get the night routine done with seven children ages 17-1.
No, you're not crazy. In order for your home to run well, you must have routines. Go ahead and use what structure you need in your situation. The point of structuring time for education, not content, is that making certain your child eats at regular intervals is something you must do for their good development and your peace of mind, but if they don't feel like doing fractions today, that's okay. They will want to learn something else, and whatever that something else is, if you give them the opportunity to pursue it, they'll love it and remember it.
This morning after we started school with devotional, we went out puddle-jumping. My teens were at the college campus to study (it's quieter there), so my younger children and I went outside. My 7yodd caught a toad and put it in the water. She was fascinated by the way it swam using only its back legs; she set it back in the middle of the puddle several times so she could watch it. She will remember that; it's a great science lesson, and I didn't have to require her to do anything--I just stood there and paid attention while she told me about it.
Yes, I have to remember
Yes, I have to remember that, "structure time not content". I just feel so guilty. I have to get over that.
Sil
Guilt
Are you comfortable with writing out what you feel guilty of? Or what you feel guilty about?
My journal helps me a lot (it's just a spiral notebook). I write what I'm thinking, preferably in a quiet place like the bathroom or away from home or in my bedroom. I've had to deal with guilt, too. It's okay to feel that you made mistakes in the past. It's not okay to keep beating yourself up about them. Write them out, and let them go. Then you will have a much clearer mind for dealing with the consequences (which consequences are probably what's really bothering you).
Guilt
I feel guilty about not structuring content. I know how to inspire him to read, because I love to read and I model that behavior, but I hate math, and he knows it. I do the finances because I have to. So we follow math-u-see and do that every day. With spelling and writing we follow the spectrum series.
If we don't do a few pages of these a day I feel guilty. I
also feel guilty for spending so much time at the side of my 8 year old (with ADHD) who can't put one foot in front of the other without me there to remind him, while I let my 3 year old and my 17 mo. old get away with murder.
I know I am exagerating, but just the other day I lost my 3 year old for 30 min. We could not find him, finally someone picked him up in the middle of a very busy road and called 911 while I was on the phone with them. Thank goodnes they were not creeps! I feel guilty about that ofcourse, and about my house being in complete disarray!
I believe this is good for my son, but what about the rest? I am in complete awe of women like you who have 6 or 7 kids and can juggle it all.
You can do it! No more guilt! You are not alone!
Don't usually have time for chats, but had to share because I understand some of your challenges. I have a 16 yr old son with a spectrum of Autism, a 12 year old son with ADHD and hearing problems and 2 perfect girls 6 & 4.
It has not been easy!!! But it can be done. I have come to understand that my boys are maturally behind others there age. My 16 year acts more like a 11 or 12 year old and my 12 yr old probably like a 10 year old. I am finally after years of struggle able to accept my boys just the way they are and am content knowing they will get there in there own time and there own way. If your son follows this patter he may have an eight year old body but not ready for the things 8 year old do. I suggest reading some simple child development books that will help you understand what a 5 or six year old is capable and be satsified that your child is on track for that age group. Also read "Teaching Children Joy" By Linda and Richard Eyre*****
Lastly, don't forget the phases - your son may be in the core phase alot longer than other children. Give him space and time. BE CONSISTENT and don't be afraid to issue consequences - over and over. He will learn, in his own time and his own way.
Read pg 44 of The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook.
Don't worry about structure, watch him, let him teach you - Enjoy every moment - I promise it does get better.
A child in Core Phase should:
Learn the difference between good and bad, and how to make good choices
Learn how to work, and how to be responsible
Learn about God and his or her relationship with Him
Play—which is the best way for a child to learn about the world around him
Spend most of his time at home with his family, being nurtured and loved
TJEdSpecial
I have a 15 yos, with mild CP, developmental delays, Sensory Integration Dysfunction, and Executive Function Disorder (we disgnosed this one ourselves). I may not be the expert, not having reached the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but we do see improvements. I agree with what has been said about adjusting the time frame for your son. When we have just looked at the order of development, and let go of the time table, we see results. If progress is slow we do what we can to encourage him, but we never push too hard. We just try to set up his environment to show him the need for his development. We try to make learning fun and practical. Sometimes we get frustrated (he still doesn't understand fractions at all), but we keep at it slowly and hopefully without too much pressure.
I want to tell you about a new elist I made for those doing TJEdRefers generally to the concepts presented in the book A Thomas Jefferson Education, written by Dr. Oliver DeMille. We also have an Introduction to Thomas Jefferson Education available elsewhere on this site. with special needs kids. It is through Yahoo Groups and is called TJEdSpecial. Go to this site to sign up, if you'd like (or anyone else who is in this same boat): http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TJEdSpecial/
We talk about this exact sort of thing.
Routines are good, structure is good (for all of us) but I firmly believe that true learning happens when it is the learner's idea to learn, when they see the need for it, when it is important for them. That doesn't mean we can't set up the environment to help them see the importance of things like math, and reading, and writing, and history, and science, etc. We don't just wait for them to ask us to teach them. Why would anyone want to learn to write if they didn't see the need for it in their own life? Or the need for math? Or any of the other things I just mentioned?
So set up reasons to do math (like was mentioned about doing math in the kitchen, or I like to have my kids build things), reasons to write (journals are good for this, but so are forms to fill out, birthday cards, email, letters, etc.).
I am trusting the process, and slowly we are seeing results. It may not be as fast as we would like but our goal for homeschooling, even before TJEdRefers generally to the concepts presented in the book A Thomas Jefferson Education, written by Dr. Oliver DeMille. We also have an Introduction to Thomas Jefferson Education available elsewhere on this site. came into our lives, was to help our kids keep their inborn love of learning, to encourage them to be lifelong learners, to share with them the joy of learning new things. Requiring does not encourage any of that, IMHO.
Jody
Make a Difference - Change the World
Math
I almost forgot - I think math is best taught in the kitchen. You know - put in 1 cup of flour, 1/2 cup of sugar, etc or cut the apple in six pieces - take one away (and eat it) how many are left. Or I if I give you 4 crackers and 3 pieces of cheese how many do I have all together, how many crackers would I need to make four cracker sandwiches. Pudding paint numbers on a cookie, Let him touch, feel taste, smell and enjoy - don't even tell him it's math. (and forget the books)
Oh yeah, give yourself some time to get settled in before you hit the learning hard. For now just let the children help you organize the sock drawer, or the books, or unpack one box just they way he wants to, just go easy and know there will be plenty of time later.
AND GET PLENTY OF FRESH AIR, WATER and GOOD FOOD!