Making Up for Lost Time
by Rachel DeMille
Many people struggle with feeling a sense of lost or wasted time in their education, or perhaps in their preparation to be a parent or a mentor.
They lament with myriad versions of “if only,” and torture themselves with guilt and anxiety over what they did or didn’t do as a youth, as a young adult, as a student, as a young father or mother, etc.
They make a detailed accounting of their inadequacies and grieve for their children having such an imperfect, unprepared parent.
I’d like to address this in today’s Inspiration Smoothie. I think of it this way:
There is nothing more powerfully inspiring than someone undergoing profound change.
Yes, there’s strength in getting everything right, every step of the way. I’m not saying that’s a disadvantage.
And yet, there is a special kind of strength in contrast, in opposition.
The Power of “Becoming”
Your kids are going to see your yearning. They’ll witness, close-up and firsthand, your effort, your vision, your optimism.
THOSE lessons– not just “getting everything right from the start”–are super important to your particular kids, for some reason.
The lesson of knowing what it looks like to deliberately change course, even thought it’s hard: Think about what that’s teaching them!
The power of conversion, the process of transformation, is really, really special. Be grateful you get to share that with them now, while they’re your witness, and the recipients of the gifts and challenges that it’s bringing to you and your family.
xoxo rd
Resources:
- Mentoring in the Classics
- The TJEd Media Vault
- The Phases of Learning
- TJEd for Teens – and Every Adult Who Wants to Change the World
Thank you for the reminder. I’ve felt little whisperings of this message before, but it helps to have someone else affirm it. When my children were young, I felt strongly that we needed to homeschool. So I took them out of elementary school and we jumped in. But I have struggled since then, wondering why it didn’t go as well as I would have wanted. My kids deserve the best, did I hold them back? Well, we kept going. And now years down the road, they are both in college and I’m taking a class at GWU. We’re in the college trenches together, learning side by side. The one thing I can feel very sure of, is that they know how important learning is even when it’s difficult.
Interesting that your words of wisdom are “Inspirational Smoothies.” Exactly one year ago I introduced my family to green smoothies. Previously we had tried fruit smoothies and they did not enjoy them. So green smoothies, with all sorts of vegetables and other strange edibles in them, seemed out of reach. But I knew we needed more vegetables and the nutrients that come from them. My family has downed some very nasty tasting, however very nutritious green smoothies every day for the last 12 months. It has changed our lives and is changing our health. I take the responsibility of nurturing seriously enough to keep learning about how to keep my particular family healthy and well physically as well as mentally and spiritually. I hope the lessons of physical health will spill over into other areas of growth and progress. We talk about nutrition a lot more since we are making changes. And I share what I learn about the items that go into the smoothies. Before we drink our ugly green smoothies at breakfast my husband raises his high, says, “My body is a temple,” and we all down the drink together. It always makes me smile. My “next right thing?” Get them to make it:)
This has lifted me. I have always felt so much guilt over the constant changes I have made in my parenting, ways of housekeeping, and especiallyy homeschooling. I have felt that it’s been chaotic at times for my children, and that they were seeing my weaknesses as a parent. But, this has helped me feel that it’s okay. I am teaching them to persist until they find something that does work.
Rachel, thank you for your wonderful insights and to all the above for your comments! I cherished each and every day with my children. However, I struggled a lot, trying to navigate through my inspired call to homeschool amid some crushing personal and family challenges. I know I’m not unique. I battled feelings of failure, guilt and even despair, praying and pleading to know what to do because “I wasn’t doing them any good.” His answer was always the same, “They can learn any academics anytime they want. For now, the most important thing for them is to stay unspotted from the world. And you are doing better than you think”. Then my heart would be at peace – until the next time! My children have been all grown up for a number of years and it’s amazing to see regular, sweet results from homeschooling that pop up in the most unexpected ways and circumstances. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done and I’d do it again in a heartbeat – even – or maybe I should say – especially – under the same difficult circumstances.
Love this! I feel as moms-we do enough self blame. Let’s stop that and begin thinking as ourselves evolve-the growth is in the thick of it. Our children will see growth-in character if nothing else. Isn’t that the best growth of all! Great topic!
I’m becoming aware of my “light mindedness” I spend lots of time on my phone scrolling through YouTube, and Pinterest feeds. In doing this it’s like I’m under a spell and I don’t want to do anything else. My kids do the same thing and the same thing happens to them. I don’t like the feeling in our home or the way we treat each other. I’ve decided to sign up for MIC, in hopes that it will help me escape the spell of social media. I’m not sure how it’s going to work but I hope that by doing MIC I will be able to help my kids escape as well.